Social Anxiety: 1/3 Why improving social skills is not the answer

Posted by Debankur Banerjee Comments (25)

Watch 2 of 3: I explain why improving your social skills is not the answer to overcoming Social Phobia or social anxiety. There is a related article on my blog
Video Rating: 4 / 5

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25 Responses to “Social Anxiety: 1/3 Why improving social skills is not the answer”

  1. DeltaCommando52 says:

    My people! I’ve found my family!

  2. AwfullyOrange says:

    I have SA too. And I am aware that it is due to being overly self conscious to my surroundings. When people around you try to hurt you with harmful words, things only get worse and you no longer believe that you can be a people person

  3. Mrdirtydarth says:

    anyone else notice? S.A.D. = Social Anxiety Disorder

  4. kurtanglerocks555 says:

    @xlhotlx ive tried that but i cant clear my mind i just get angry but i try to meditate everyday

  5. kurtanglerocks555 says:

    i have SA but yestrday a girl asked me out and i said yes but i feel like i will lose her because im too nervous to ask if i can kiss her and stuff i only feel like i can hug her 0_0

  6. tgtk says:

    @tinybubblesinhawaii I feel exactly the same. SA is the worst. (I know you said this 4 months ago but still)

  7. jonoce633 says:

    @tinybubblesinhawaii beat the shit outa of a pillow and yell YAH!! lol thats what i did

  8. lightbrownpoop says:

    brainwave entrainment, subliminals, and meditation is a great way to install new inner beliefs.

  9. MegaCreepyAlien says:

    I HATE S.A.D, I feel like I’m been held back a grade in school while all my friends or old friends are advancing

  10. Vassy84 says:

    @xlhotlx Yes, I am well aware of all the self-created sufferings and anguish a social anxiety sufferer has to go through throughout his/her entire life. My apologies for my previous comment to you, which is based on my misunderstanding of you.

    May all SA sufferers one day see through all the illusions they have built up upon themselves with regards to others’ perceptions of them…and finally live a normal life of freedom and peace!

  11. xlhotlx says:

    @Vassy84 I know, I probably had the worst SA you’ve ever seen, not even exaggerating. I used to hide in the bathrooms at school every day because I had noone to sit with at lunch and I aws embarrased of people seeing me eating alone

  12. Vassy84 says:

    @xlhotlx Yup everyone has this so-called “social anxiety” to some degree, just that some has it so intensified and exaggerated that it is no longer proportionate to reality. For e.g. you can have a person getting stressed, trembling and unable to carry out a phone conversation. Then he hangs up the call thinking that he is strange and awkward, and feeling all rejected by the other person…whilst the other person is wondering what the hell has he done wrong to make you feel so rejected lol.

  13. leniboda says:

    omg..I made a phone call today and my voice was shaking,it was very important that I solved a problem I have at my college,but I couldn’t find the words to say,as I spoke I thought the womans voice sounded cocky and ironic,she didn’t help me at all eventhough that was her job so I ended up crying for hours.

  14. xlhotlx says:

    @xlhotlx remember, the more you meditate the sooner you get over SA. during the summer I meditated for about 2 hours a day, (30 mins in four sessions) and in doing that for 6 weeks I saw great improvement.
    Good luck

  15. xlhotlx says:

    to meditate, sit cross-legged on your bed, floor w/e lapse your fingers for balance, and when you breathe in say ‘rising’ in your head and when you breathe out say ‘falling’ in your head. the most important part of all this is that you DO NOT fight for control. the majority of time you are meditating you are going to lose concentration and start thinking about random stuff. if your mind wanders, let it then return to the ‘rising’ and falling. you should meditate for atleast 20 mins a day

  16. xlhotlx says:

    for example, I had an online class that I was supposed to be doing, and I was doing like 1 assignment every few days, and then I decided to start doing 3 assignments every single day untill it was complete. don’t make it something really hard just hard enough so that its outside of your normal boundaries that will challenge your will. another great thing to do is meditation.

  17. xlhotlx says:

    @Vassy84 sorry you’re have to understand that social anxiety isnt just a fear of people, its a lacking self confidence. This applies to everything in life including Social anxiety. basically the way to gain confidence and further eliminate social anxiety (not completely destroy EVERYone has it to some degree even though it may be much much less than yours) is to consistently defeat challenges. you’ll have to do it something like once a day

  18. Vassy84 says:

    @xlhotlx Err…don’t be so vague. Explain to them exactly how and what kind of meditation or visualization one undertakes to counteract social anxiety etc will yar? If not, it is just a meaningless platitude “meditation defeats SA beautifully…” whilst feeling special and mysterious for knowing something unique and different. Heh…

  19. supagreencake says:

    i sat at lunch tables alone when my friend was absent i would sit with the “weird”kid . as i sat there i noticed a girl just looking at me. i looked up and smiled and notcied she wasent just looking at me but GLARING. and thats what broke the camles back i decied to give up

  20. xlhotlx says:

    meditation defeats SA beautifully

  21. tinybubblesinhawaii says:

    @MrDuBears Your welcome… At the time I typed this it was an outpouring of emotion, kind of like a stream of consciousness of my frustrations with SA. I was feeling very overwhelmed. I was venting but I did not think that others would relate to these “contradictions.” From the thumbs up and your reply I see that it’s not true and though these things are small for me they’re significant because it means that I’m not alone and neither are you in our experiences… there is community.

  22. fairydustem says:

    @FLATFEET3 EXACTLY EXPOSURE IS KEY If you don’t get out there you will forever stuck in a cycle of negative thoughts be miserable for life.
    Change you surroundings if you need to, go to a different school, got to Uni and decide that’s it I will talk to people

  23. 1SkullCrush1 says:

    Man i am only 16 years old and it is just getting worse. I have felt what you described in so many situations throughout my life. I regret so many things i do. I feel unconfortable everyway imaginable in social situations. The hoplessness and everything else keeps getting piled up and it feels worse and worse. There isnt a day that goes by i don’t think about what the hell is wrong with me. I just don’t understand.

  24. DormantLulz says:

    Good video Mr H!

    I’m halfway through group CBT course (London), what you say in the social skills video rings true in my experience. Keep up the good work.

  25. FLATFEET3 says:

    fuck social anxiety..its bull crap..sorry to be so blunt but the only..i mean ONLY way to get over this IS exposure..i live with this for 12 years and now i FORCED myself to 1. look people in the eyes no matter how afraid.. 2. always say whats on my mind no matter how lame 3.. when i feel anxiety, i fight through it..i never let it hold me a rarley get sa..and when i do..i do my steps and get over it..dont let the gov tell you to take is normal part of life..fight it

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